hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
