i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
