he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
