Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
