I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
