I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
