just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
