Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the liver wants what the liver wants
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
