I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
