Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
