we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
