Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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