I wanna bring you to show and tell
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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