new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
