are you so shy because you have an std?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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