Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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