Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
