Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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