remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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