I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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