Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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