I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who died my cat blue again?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
