I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
