I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
