Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
