Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
