You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
