My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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