Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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