You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
