just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
