Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
