I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
