just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
