last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
