If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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