I can't breathe out the right side of my face
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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