I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
