WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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