first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
