...so i touched it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
