if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
