I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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