Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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