i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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