i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
