Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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