...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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