He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
