Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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