i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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