dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
