Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
