I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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