I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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