if i can run in heels then i can drive
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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