Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
