Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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