I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
