"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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