fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
