it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
