Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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