just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
