You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
