I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
